Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Two pints of lager and a packet of pork lumps

Lock ins are the greatest phenomena known to teds. A whole bar to yourselves and a select group of close friends and bar flys.

The Swan and Whistle had made the lock in, into an art form. However since the bar became a strip joint and changed its name, lock ins are a distant memory until tonight.

So here we are, an open bar, surrounded by exotic dancers and all it took was "The earth spitting out the Unted and letting them return to eat the fluff of the living."

Only a few days ago I was winning employee of the month, now I'm a leader of a rag tag band of misfits, in the securist bar in town.

However I think the bar snacks and beer aren't going to last. I need to get everyone out of here and somewhere safer.

Friday, May 26, 2006

In God we trust (eyewitness 3)

You'd have to have been blind to miss the church bleeting on about how greatful they were for the fund money they'd raised. The Whole Chhurch is now built like a fort. You get a good shooting position from the bell tower and those big oak doors would stop a tank.
So many folkes headed to the mall, but its mainly glass and fire exits. tell me one kid in this town who dosn't know how to get into that place, when the doors are supposedly locked.

I didn't count on all these other folk turning up though. Guess the Church really is a big draw when the dead don't lie down.

Anyway some of them have skills and may be good in a final push, but the rest, well they can be bait.

I just need to come up with a plan, this Church wont hold forever.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Trapped at silkwaters (eyewitness2)

It was the strangest thing. Cindy and I had been sunbathing all day and my fur had got a lovely all over glow. The boys had gone off hiking in the woods or something like that.
Anyway it got to dusk and Cindy decided to get back into her shorts and shirt but I fancied a dip before changing out of my bikini. As I was splashing around Cindy said she could hear the boys returning so went back to the cabin to meet them. I splashed around a bit more when I felt eyes on me and that's when I saw them, the whole bank of the river was covered with these murmuring tatty bears, it took awhile to notice some were missing ears others had their stuffing hanging out or were actually coming apart at their stiches. It was the one chewing on Cindy's head however that made me scream and scream..........and scream some more. Eventually even bikini clad girls get bored of just screaming and I noticed they weren't coming in the water I was safe and I looked good to, it was like a Halloween swimsuit photo shoot.

I would have stayed put all day but then I heard the breathing. Deep raspy breathing right behind me. I know you shouldn't look at a time like that but you just cant help it. I'm not sure if the zombear in the water was supposed to be a lumberjack a hockey player or a rapstar, but momma didn't raise no idiot, so I chose to run rather than asking.

So hopefully that explains why I'm now in a farmhouse surrounded by those thing wearing just a rather fetching string bikini.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

An eye witness account "Bob"

It was horrible. I work the late shift at the mall. Security.
I've not been there long but they've recently hired more security staff.
I was issued my own torch on the first day.

I got carpark duty that night and wasn't looking forward to fending off teenagers all evening, so I called in sick.
I live with my mum and when she got home with the shopping she was livid. She'd parked right by the guard hut expecting to see me on duty. The guard hut was empty when she'd got back to her car and just as she was about to phone me on her cellphone, some hooded teen lurched out of the bushes and bit her. I mean actually bit her.
My moms a tough old crow, so she swung the shopping bag into his head (mostly canned food) the guy went down like a deflated doll (not that I have those kind of dolls).

Mum was in her R.V and driving home fast, you see in her eyes it was my fault. When she got in she didn't look well. All I could think of was the lad in the carpark, there's enough cctv to convict mum if he was to sue and we don't have a lot.

I grabbed moms keys and raced to work.
What I saw chilled my blood. The streets were full of rioting it seemed. Cottonfalls mostly ain't that kind of town. Mostly.

The Carpark held new horrors, a group of ....rioters had the mall Clown and were literally ripping the stuffing out of him, I've not seen so much grey fluff since "the war" (you know that film by that sci fi director wanting to win an Oscar at last, it was in black and white).

I panicked and started hitting teddies with my torch, ones jaw came right off but he just kept gurgling, then the clown sat up, his eyes had clouded over and he lunged for me.

It was then I was grabbed and pulled into the mall, by Captain Cromski (he's in charge of our police up here).
I just heard his gun blazing away there was fluff everywhere, then I fainted...

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Here They Come...

The police force has been overwhelmed, it's every bear for themselves.
find safe ground.
find somewhere you can fortify
Save as many as you can
and formulate a plan to get out

Your on your own now

May god go with you

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Capt Cromski has put out a full alert

The Hospital has had a flood of bite victims. The other officers are finding Zombear numbers difficult to control and keep secret.

All leave is cancelled.

Stay close to your Radios, this could be a long night.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Cottonfalls has been invaded

The shock news today from the Mayors office is that cottonfalls has been invaded by a deadly menace and police and members of the army have been dispatched for the good of residents.

The invasion comes in the form of badgers.

Thats right, it would appear that larger badger sets have appeared close to town.
Badgers although placid most of the time are fiercly territorial and small pets and children unfortunatly are often at risk from nasty bites and scratches.

The police and two army experts have been rounding up the badgers into special boxes to release back into the wild, far away from built up areas.

conservationists are pleased at the discision not to just poison the sets and have appaulded the mayor for his green policies.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

It makes you proud to be a teddy

The military base that has sat idle for several years, on the outskirts of cottonfalls, is once again reopened.

Troops have been moving back to the base for the past fortnight, the small runway has seen various aircraft landing and unloading supplies.
The military base, as older residents will remember, brought lots of money into the community and many businesses flourished during its time here. Government budget cuts saw the base temporarily closed.

However the base has reopened as an army training ground and research facility, with a mix of veteran soldiers, new recruits and civilian scientists.

For residents worried about this kind of facility in their backyards the base will have two open days a week, explaining their work and future plans, along with the bases already established military museum the whole experience will be a grand day out.

Cottonfalls welcomes back our brave boys in green.

Friday, May 12, 2006

The changing face of farming

It seems that the old Celeste farmstead is up for auction.

Following the unfortunate threshing machine accident late last year, the farm has fallen into disrepair.

Farming is increasingly being taken from the hands of the family farm and put into the hands of corporations.

The Celeste place is defiantly a work in progress and would happily convert into a nice secluded spa area or guest house.

failing that a large family property far away from the hustle and bustle of modern life.

viewings are available on request, but the agents ask you to keep an open mind as they are in the process of fixing it up.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

How to survive an attack

For a bit of colour, we shall today be talking to survivalist Bruce McDonald.

cfn: So Mr McDonald, tell us a bit about yourself and why you feel being prepared for the worst is so important.

BM: I'd prefer to keep personal details out of this, you never know who's listening. As for preparation I suggest you have a well cleaned gun, plenty of fresh water and a working knowledge of agricultural equipment.

cfn: Is that in case you have to grow your own crops?

BM: Nope it's so you know how to keep blades sharp and what to do when your chainsaw runs outta gas, mid melee.

cfn: doesn't melee mean combat?

BM: Sure does.

cfn: with a chainsaw?

BM: Not just a chainsaw, I got axes, pistols, shotguns even a steam roller.

cfn: aren't steam rollers a bit big and slow for combat?

BM: No bigger and slower than the hoards that'll descend on us any day and they make great squishing sounds.

cfn: right.....I think I'm going to have to cut this interview short. Besides your guests must be missing you.

BM : Guests?

cfn: as I turned up they were arriving in the garden a lot of guys in Halloween costumes, seemed a little early but they're out there now and seem to be moaning that your not there.

BM: Groovy.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

A big thankyou from the church

The Church would like to thank the residents of cottonfalls, who have kindly donated so much money to the roof appeal that a complete restoration was possible.

The church has managed to replace all its large oak doors and has also reinforced the stained glass windows, so they can be appreciated by generations to come.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Employee of the month

Lectromart would like to take this opportunity (and the fact their a heavy sponsor of this news article) to announce their Employee of the month.

This Month the award goes to Tim Clip. Supervisor of the cottonfalls mall's Lectromart retail outlet.

Where as many employees work only part time/weekend collage jobs and then go onto new things. Tim has been with the company now for many years, often punctual and well dressed, in his issued uniform.

When we interviewed Tim he had this to say.

cfn: "So Tim how do you feel about finally being recognized for your extra effort"
TC: "Oh! It was great I was just telling my girlfriend over the phone how........What's going on out there"
cfn: "erm Tim you seem a bit distracted, is it the shock of winning this award?"
TC: "What! No look out there in carpark, there's a big crowd....and there coming this way, they don't look happy at all"
cfn: "Oh I see and your expecting complaints?"
TC: "well no not really.......especially not from that one with his jaw hanging off. Where did I put that cricket bat?"

At this point the cottonfalls news link went down, we hope to bring you more from Lectromart in the future

Monday, May 08, 2006

Security tightened at mall

Only yesterday Mall security was more than doubled at the request of Capt. Cromski.

Incidents at the mall of random attacks has tripled over the past few months. Capt. Cromski seemed to be blaming a gang of teenagers after the attacks seemed to be attributed to shuffling, non coherent, slightly smelly individuals.

Most attacks have happened on the outskirts of the parking lot and subsequently a guard hut has now been positioned there, along with cctv and regular police patrols.

Residents and shoppers have been informed and told not to worry as the situation is now well in hand.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

English theme bar changes hands

The English style Bar "The Swan and whistle" has changed hands. The new owners have changed the popular themed drinking hole into a lapdancing club. Residents were up in arms and have pationed the mayor to have the antics of "silk teddies" stopped.

It seems however that the same customers drink at the ,now neon covered, public house.
one regular bar fly, when interviewed said
"The beer has stayed the same price but the views improved. Why would I want to drink elsewhere?"

Captain Owen Cromski was stated as saying
"Their license was approved months ago and no one complained back then. Until they break a law I have bigger problems to worry about"

The Bars owner was unavailable for comment, but worried about reprisals from angry residents has improved security at the bar, fitting toughened glass and heavier doors.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Lady of the Manor

The hills that overlook silkwaters and cottonfalls beyond are mainly forested. However one area was bought by a british explorer on which he built a fantastic statly manor.

Today that explorers great great grandaughter "Dawn Tallman" lives there. Much like her ancestors she like to explore the world bringing back trophies and the odd rare animal skin rug.

Just recently however she's been hearing strange noises, that seem to come up from deep beneath the mansion. Maybe it's the wind or the old home settling but the noises can sometimes chill the blood......and their getting louder.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

The Zombears are restless

It seems that no matter how hard Capt. Owen Cromski (of the smalltown police cottonfalls division) tries, he can't get a handle on the restless dead.

The Mayor feels news will scare away the tourist trade, so he's ordered Cromski to carry on as normal.

Cromski has set up a 24 hour watch on the graveyards and morgue.

The other officers are bagging at least 6 Zombears a piece every night, so things are about normal and no one seems to have noticed as of yet.

we'll keep you posted.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Welcome to Cotton Falls

So where is Cottonfalls and what is it's history?

Well Cottonfalls is a small suburb of Smalltown. It has a thriving community with its own law enforcement office, plenty of leisure activities and shoping facilities.


Oh yeah! Smalltown is anything but. It started off as a small coastal town with a good sheltered port and a fair sized hotel. However during the Goldrush, Smalltown boomed.
Not one ounce of gold was found in Smalltown, however it did have a factory that manufactured prospecting tools and as i've previously stated a good hotel and sheltered port, so it was a great place to start and spend your money.
Today Smalltown is a huge metropolis. It's never changed its name, because as it's advertising says "Who wouldn't want to live in a Smalltown."
Cotton falls is a town of its own on the forested outskirts of Smalltown.

So whats Cottonfall's story?

Well Cottonfalls was founded like smalltown a long time ago, unlike Smalltown, it never really grew and has a population of around 700.
It is however a great place to relax from big city life and so has a fantastic tourist industry, mainly attracted by the crystal clear Lake "Silkwaters"

So why's it so special?

Oh! That will be the fact Cottonfalls has a high concentration of odd happenings. So it makes for good storytelling.


Yeah! you know. Like Zombears, ufo sightings and other general strangeness.


Oh i forgot to say. Silly me.
Everyone around here is a teddy bear, from the coast of Smalltown around the globe to the coast of Smalltown.